I was looking at myself in the mirror and feeling unsatisfied with what I saw, I was reflecting on the natural abilities I was given - tools to tackle life with, and feeling ungrateful for what I had utilised them for thus far and overall pretty discontent with a seemingly perfect life online.
Shamefully the route of most of my doubts for sharing more transparently is I feel like I have an image to uphold based on these prior beliefs and understandings that people have of me from my travel days…And now as I try to wrap my head around humanity on a deeper, more conscious level and my role and purpose within it I feel like this chapter may have led people that followed me for pre conceived ideas of me, astray somewhat…
I’ve always been someone who is pretty self assured, known what I wanted and where I wanted to go regardless of what other people think...But to be completely honest with you lately I’ve been feeling pretty confused with life and in a bit of a rut with things for the first time that I can recall. Its really bought my attention to how; with so many people having more of an opportunity to reach you with their opinions or what-they-would-do-if-they-were-in-their-20s again or that you should be doing this or that, that it’s become even more of a challenge to find your own voice than ever before and a disconcerting search at that!! Haha the only exception to this, for me, is training. When I’m training, everything else is secondary. I feel at peace and the world becomes silent - it’s easily the moments I look forward to most and found it gives even the most tangled days direction. It’s right for me.
I guess why I’m sharing this is; if you’re feeling lost and overwhelmed I feel you. If you’re confused with your direction, I’m standing right there next to you. And if your journey isn’t making sense right now I’m speaking the exact same language. We are living in a world where it’s easier to be so invested in other people’s lives than our own and as a result our own lives are just passing us by. That person you’re living vicariously through on insta seems to have it so damn good, why don’t you!? Trust me I’ve been in the shoes of the ones you’re looking at and I can tell you from first hand experience that Instagram paints a pretty shallow picture - they too are there with you and I; sometimes even more so!
I’ve lost 10 000 followers since I stopped traveling and until I watched Steve Jobs commencement speech at Stanford Uni the other day; as embarrassing as this is to say - it did get to me, a bit at first.
He says “...Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life. Don’t get trapped by dogma, which is living with the results of other people’s thinking. And don’t let other people’s opinions drown at your own inner voice.” It’s ironic to quote that as relevant I know, but it really hit me at the right time.
Why does anyone’s opinion matter? And why should that have a factor of any relevance on your decisions for you and your life? This is what we are here for after all - to live our own lives.
I hope this hasn’t come across as me poking holes at the flaws of things as that wasn’t my intention - what I’m trying to say is; with so much time spent consuming on these devices of ours, we gotta be careful what we surround ourselves with...There’s a lot of good people, doing epic things which can give you the spark that you were looking for; like Steve Jobs’ speech did for me - so plz assess where, what and who you surround yourself with as this is the place where we spend most of our time nowadays.
Find your training equivalent and make sure you surround yourself with great people online here like you do in real life.
I love you and want the best for you. So plz do you folks, no ifs buts or maybes about it xo
Oh also; I made this edit today...Little open water swim out in the deep blue with ma boy @tommynortz absolutely dreamy babayy